Set to take place in an undisclosed intergalactic location; this once-in-a-lifetime training program will explore revolutionary methods to bypass conventional accelerator limitations. It's time to beam up!
To tackle such an ambitious subject, we have gathered the brightest minds across time and space: A Stellar Lineup of Experts:
✨ Albert Einstein – Will introduce General and Special Relativity and why you should ignore them for faster-than-light travel.
⚡ James Clerk Maxwell – Revealing the hidden equations behind teleportation fields.
🌀 Stephen Hawking – A deep dive into wormholes, black holes, and the best ways to avoid falling into one.
🎸 Marty McFly & Doc Brown – A practical session on time-travel beam synchronization.
🚀 Zaphod Beeblebrox & Trisha McMillan – Navigating interstellar accelerator infrastructure (and surviving bureaucracy).
🖖 Spock, McCoy & Scotty – A hands-on workshop on the real physics behind "Beam me up, Scotty!"
Course Highlights
🔹 Understanding Quantum Beaming: Why particles can be in two places at once (but your lunch can't).
🔹 Practical Wormhole Engineering: How to create a shortcut without ending up in an alternate reality.
🔹 Temporal Phase Space: Navigating causality paradoxes without deleting yourself from history.
🔹 Sustainable Time Travel & Teleportation – Spock and McCoy debate ethical considerations, including "What to do when you arrive before you left."
🔹 Dark Energy Applications – Discover how dark energy can revolutionize travel, assuming we ever figure out what it is.
🔹 Wormhole Engineering – Learn the dangers of shortcutting through space-time. (Warning: Do not attempt near black holes!)
🔹 Time Travel Paradoxes – A discussion on avoiding grandfather paradoxes, predestination loops, and self-cancelling futures.
🔹 Hands-on Teleportation Labs – Students will attempt to teleport a coffee cup before moving on to larger objects. (Human volunteers are welcome!)
To better understand the motivation behind this ambitious course, we sat down with the Head of the CERN Accelerator School for a candid discussion about its goals, societal impact, and a controversial decision regarding future lecturers.
🎤 Why launch a course on teleportation and time travel now?
“Accelerator physics has reached a point where simply increasing energy and beam intensity is not enough—we need revolutionary thinking.”
🎤 How do you see teleportation and time travel being used in everyday society?
“The applications are endless! Commuting could become a thing of the past—literally.”
🎤 A lot of people expected you to bring in guest lecturers from the future. Why did you decide against it?
“That was actually our initial plan! However, after an extensive selection process, we discovered that all future scientists refused to provide details, citing ‘potential paradoxes’ and ‘unforeseen catastrophic consequences.’ Also, some of our applicants vanished mid-interview, which was surprising. So, in the end, we decided to rely on historical figures and science fiction experts instead.”
📅 Application Deadline: April 1, 2026
📍 Course Venue: Somewhere in the multiverse
Spots are limited—unless you already attended in the future. Apply now before reality catches up!
🔗 Sign up now (before it's too late!)
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